go the f*ck to sleep

Looking for a present for a new parent? 

Then look no further- this is it. 


Go the F*ck to Sleep, by Adam Mansbach, gives words (funny ones!) to the grumblings that every parent has going through their head almost every night.

Hilarious! My sister got me the book when I last visited her and I can't thank her enough. When it is a particularly bad bedtime night, I can't help but think of some lines from the book, which makes me laugh instead of be grumbly.

There is nothing more frustrating than a child that won't go to bed- anything that can inject a little humor into it can be a lifesaver!

Thanks sis! 

dakota update

Can you believe she is already five months old? I can't!

Things she is doing now: making the most adorable sounds ever, a mile a minute. Grabbing things with both hands. Grabbing two things at a time. Grabbing my hair and not letting go! Smiling and laughing. Kicking everything with her super-strong legs. Lifting her front end up when laying on her belly. Rolling from side to side, over and over and over again. Chewing and drooling and sucking on everything in sight.

What she loves: Being held. Seeing her mommy (she won't relax until she finds me in the room). Jumping in the Jenny Jumper. Eating (or snacking constantly). Standing (with someone holding her up). Playing with her sister- yes, they are playing together more and more! Kicking and hitting things on her activity mat (million thanks Stephanie!). Chewing on her lifefactory teether. Hugging and attacking her stuffed animals with her mouth. Reading books. Swimming.

Other milestones: She got her ears pierced this past weekend! We decided that Luna and Dakota can only get piercings and tattoos (much, much later on) with their Auntie Heidi. Now she looks like a little boy with gold earrings.

She's also about to take her first plane ride- we're heading to New York this Friday. Keep your fingers crossed that we are not that crying pair on the plane that everyone wants to kill!

Finally, she is definitely pre-teething. I predict that by her six month picture there will be a little tooth poking out of that mouth.

The time goes too quickly!!!

things worth remembering

How did I ever think that one baby was hard?

Backing up: One baby is hard, especially if it's your first baby. I try to think back to when Luna was born- besides her specific issues (which are a whole 'nother post in itself- NICU, questions, worries, etc., etc.) there were all kinds of new things to adjust to. Breastfeeding. Waking up at all hours of the day (and night). Poop explosions. Doctors visits. The fact that your whole life turns upside down trying to fit this new little person into it.

I remember a day from the first week that Luna was home. It was Christmas-time, my brother and sister-in-law were visiting, and we were supposed to go over to my parents house for dinner. Easy, right? Wrong- I just could not get it together to get out of the house. My timing was all off. Feeding Luna, pumping, taking a shower, eating something, getting dressed- it was so overwhelming, even with my mom and sister-in-law at the house to help. We eventually got out of the house- 3 hours later than we should have.

Fast forward to now. One baby? No problem. Easy. I could do it all day and all night, and be reasonably functional and relaxed. Granted, some of my standards have been relaxed- when was the last time that I washed my kitchen floor? Don't ask.

But two babies? Half the time I'm this close to falling over the edge. Over-the-top busy-ness and procrastination are my constant companions. Some days I feel like I live on a diaper changing assembly line. Right after I put toys away in the living room, they somehow are all over the bedroom. A baby needs to be held. A baby needs to be held. And burped. And.. something. Luna has a million appointments to go to each week. There is a stack of unopened mail that has been growing since March, haunting me. The bathroom sink is so disgusting I hate to look at it. I'm falling behind at work and spend precious time looking at all my stuff wondering how I can possibly start to catch up.

I went to catch up with my best friend yesterday, who I haven't seen in person for forever (she also has two little ones). She reminded me, and I have to remember this, that it doesn't last forever. The first months with a new baby are the hardest. It gets easier. It's true- I remember when Luna hit 6 months old thinking, This isn't so bad. I can do this.

Most days I do remember, and I also remember the flip-side to it- my babies won't be babies forever. Dakota is getting bigger every day. Soon she won't be snuggling in my arms. We won't have the quiet peace of a good breastfeeding session, when I can just sit there and feel her in my arms and marvel at how beautiful she is. I won't hear the heart-melting "goos" and "gahs" and see the big, open-mouthed smiles.

That's why I need to take time to sit and just be with my family. Play with them. Hold them while they sleep. Make kissy faces and have nonsensical conversations in baby language. Work will get done, eventually. The mail will get opened, one day. The bathroom sink will be dirty for the rest of my life. But I will never be able to get back this time, this moment, this opportunity to be with my daughters.

Sappy, yes, but worth remembering.

a silent moment

motherhood

I love my children so much, sometimes it scares me. I know that this comes with the territory, but I wasn't prepared for how ferociously I feel this love.

I felt this way with Luna, and now it seems to have intensified with Dakota. Maybe it's the breastfeeding hormones that are coursing through my body that make the feelings seem stronger. Maybe it's part of the bonding process that Dakota and I are going through. Maybe it's just something that naturally grows each day through one's life with their children.

I find myself being extremely defensive of them, especially of my little baby. Someone can suggest something that might be harmful to them, or something that could happen in the future, and I instinctively go to hold them closer. I understand the feeling that you could kill for your child.

On the flip side, I also worry more, about huge things that I have no control over- what if there was a nuclear war? What if some crazy natural disaster came through and something horrible happened to one of them? Or what if it happened to me and Dustin, and the babies were left to fend for themselves?

I especially worry about Luna- I see these stories about horrible people that take advantage of mentally handicapped people and I want to cry. What is wrong with people? At least with this, I know that I have wonderful family that would jump to take care of her- this makes me feel better. I wish everyone could feel so secure.

My love for them also makes me feel happy. I have 2 beautiful girls that I get the privilege of watching grow. I get to hug them and kiss them, play games with them and cuddle them. These are the thoughts that I treasure at night, and that help me to fall asleep. I have never been so sure of anything in my life like I am of my love for them.