Saturday, May 21, 2011
I love my children so much, sometimes it scares me. I know that this comes with the territory, but I wasn't prepared for how ferociously I feel this love.
I felt this way with Luna, and now it seems to have intensified with Dakota. Maybe it's the breastfeeding hormones that are coursing through my body that make the feelings seem stronger. Maybe it's part of the bonding process that Dakota and I are going through. Maybe it's just something that naturally grows each day through one's life with their children.
I find myself being extremely defensive of them, especially of my little baby. Someone can suggest something that might be harmful to them, or something that could happen in the future, and I instinctively go to hold them closer. I understand the feeling that you could kill for your child.
On the flip side, I also worry more, about huge things that I have no control over- what if there was a nuclear war? What if some crazy natural disaster came through and something horrible happened to one of them? Or what if it happened to me and Dustin, and the babies were left to fend for themselves?
I especially worry about Luna- I see these stories about horrible people that take advantage of mentally handicapped people and I want to cry. What is wrong with people? At least with this, I know that I have wonderful family that would jump to take care of her- this makes me feel better. I wish everyone could feel so secure.
My love for them also makes me feel happy. I have 2 beautiful girls that I get the privilege of watching grow. I get to hug them and kiss them, play games with them and cuddle them. These are the thoughts that I treasure at night, and that help me to fall asleep. I have never been so sure of anything in my life like I am of my love for them.