blue

Having kind of a down day today. Breastfeeding hormones are just making me cry at nothing. Feeling super un-motivated to do anything because 1) I'm exhausted from Dakota being up all night and 2) Every time I try to do something I get interrupted anyways. And at this point, really, why do I care if my floor is clean or not? Why waste my time cleaning it?

Yup, just a little depressed.

My maternity leave is ending soon, and I'm sad that I have to go back to work. Why can't I sit at home and cuddle with my babies all day? Especially Dakota, if I go back to work so soon, is she going to have trust and bonding issues? I guess that is some of that special mother's guilt, the thoughts that will keep me up at night when I should be sleeping.

I also got pretty upset last night about Luna's condition, after reading things on the internet. It's hard not knowing everything about her condition. I think sometimes I operate in a bit of denial, because I have to. I don't want to think about her not living past childhood. But what if that's part of her condition? I'm trying to focus on the good things, like how well she has been doing in therapy, and how fun she is to be around. But sometimes it's hard.

Probably the biggest reason that I'm feeling like this is because I have been cooped up in this little apartment for months. Spring keeps seeming like it's just around the corner. Maybe next week! Maybe next week! I'm still hoping that this weather will warm up and I can get outside for a walk. I think that shall do wonders for my state of being. Any day now...

laying around the house